You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
