2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
