strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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