I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
