what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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