Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize