She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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