I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
