Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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