90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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