I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
