You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
