Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
