No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
