I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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