it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
