Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
