her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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