3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
