So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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