Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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