Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
