Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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