I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
