he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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