btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
