Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
