seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
