What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
