when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
