See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
