I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
