ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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