He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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