my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
