I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
