We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
