so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
