I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
