It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize