FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
