I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
