Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
