Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
