I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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