Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
