You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
