it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
And then he peed in my hair
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