My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
