Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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