Do you still have your period?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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