I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
