if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
