Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
