So drunk its hurt
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
