There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
