It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
