i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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