yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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