Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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