so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
