best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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