I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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