I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
