Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
