dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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