It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dear god my vagina.
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