My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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