I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize