No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
