no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
