There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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