while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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