How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We are two peas in an std pod
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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