So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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