Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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