I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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