You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
