So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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