he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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