I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
