he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
