i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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