He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
