Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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