She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
