Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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