i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
