I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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