What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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