trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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