Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
