I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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