im holly from the hills drunk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
